Cinnabons is one of America’s most-loved desserts and, what I like to call, the giant box of death by heart attacks (emphasis on the “s”). The main ingredient to this heart clogging treat is no surprise, butter! I think Cinnabons are the best way to get back at your bully. If they piss you off, give them a box of Cinnabons. If you really want to get back at them, get the ones with caramel icing and pecans mixed in! And if you gave them enough of this mouth watering sugar bomb, you raise your chances of outrunning them the next time they attack. Great idea, no? Remember, Cinnabons is an investment and will pay back in the long run.
A Cinna-insider told me just how much butter (actually Cinnabon’s own brand of margarine) is used per batch. Without revealing the exact amounts, I’ll try to paint a picture here. Each batch of Cinnabon dough is made of pounds of butter and other essential ingredients to make that dough rise. They then roll out the dough and spread half a brick of butter on it before dumping a pound of cinnamin/sugar mixture on top. After it’s baked, it is smothered with icing made from bricks of butter and cream cheese and a generous dumping of icing sugar. Caramel icing and pecans optional. Each Cinnabon has 730 calories and 37% of your recommended daily fat intake (as if you actually follow it).
This exact proportions of this recipe is highly guarded by the Cinnabon workers. In fact, not all employees are bestowed the honor of knowing the secret to the dough. The higher-ups roll this dough out early in the shift, or late at night. The lowly Cinnabon workers get the roll and spread the butter until they rise from their ranks. This sounds like a cult worshipping the way of the dough *makes OOooOOo sounds*. So my imagination may be running wild but it’s not too far fetched. I mean, rumour has it that KFC keeps each half of the spices in separate factories and a third that mixes the two halves together. Coca-Cola’s syrup is only known by the execs. So, Cinnabon brainwashing workers in the “way of the dough”? Maybe!
By the way, here’s a man who spent practically half his life figuring the Colonial’s recipe and claims to have got it!
To end this post, I’m going to say Cinnabon’s true mission is “slowly overfeeding American’s one at a time”.
Reality in the Ordinary 